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                    <text>ever constructed, but the huge and snarling waves that were driven by
mighty winds took their toll after the Titanic struck the iceburg.
Then Yzarc decided to snip off one end of the candy wrapper and
analyze its composition by use of the gigantic Xyeometer, but he had only
cut a tiny segment of the paper when the intercom paged him. Even this
tiny segment was enough . . . for Alaska had never seen the likes before.
The earth in Alaska was torn by a terrible earthquake. Huge cracks in the
surface of the earth appeared as though they had been cut by a pair of
gigantesque scissors. But that is quite preposterous, isn’t it? Or is it?

SORROW
Sorrow is the lump in one’s throat,
The wet handkerchief,
The reprimanding finger of a superior.
The loss of a loved one;
Sorrow is recalling, as we open gifts,
that a child born this day will
die for us someday!
Sorrow is the wind, as it comes and goes
A young girl’s doll with a broken leg;
Sorrow is the death of a president.
The darkness of a cloudy night.
Sorrow is Chopin’s Funeral March.
Sorrow is like the shadow of a tree,
with branches grasping for the soul,
to tear it out;
Sorrow is one’s head in one’s hands.
Sorrow is God’s gift to man.
Sorrow is darkness, that we may appreciate light —
Sorrow is a vulture that mutilates — that mangles — its host;
Sorrow is love.

BO I NG!
I have a rubber ball.
I bounce it down the hall.
To this I feel you must agree:
At time, my rubber ball is me!
—Tom Norman

—15—

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                <text>"Boing!"</text>
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                <text>The Casper College Archives has archived this poem to encourage the use of its Expression Literary Arts Magazines for digital humanities and other related educational uses.</text>
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                <text>1954</text>
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                <text>Poem published by Tom Norman in the fall 1964 Casper College Expression magazine. </text>
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                    <text>non-white. They waited.
The weary, half-starved faces of those around him reflected the dis­
couragement and helplessness he was feeling. It was now almost 5:00 p.m.
He had waited through the noon hour, thinking that he might miss a good
chance if he left.
About 6:00 p.m. the office closed and with its workers left a young
Negro father whose wife works irregular hours, whose son dies as he waits.
But there is always tomorrow.

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
Jacob.
See, Jacob?
Staircase, Jacob.
Long way up there, Jacob.
See the top way up there, Jacob?
Listen! I hear somethin’ cornin’, Jacob.
Soon there’s got to be a reward cornin’, Jacob.
But now you must admit, repent your old sins, Jacob.
There’s the only way you’ll ever get to heaven now, Jacob.
Jacob
Jacob
Jacob
Jacob.
—Tom Norman

VICTORY
Like a falcon in the sky.
Triumphantly passing others by.
The victorious chant and scream.
And yet, may not know what they mean.

Meanwhile, the conquered must bow down.
And lose possession of their noble crown.
But, who really won in the end?
Of course, those who had the most to spend.

THEIR GOALS
It’s true, the components of this marvelous age.
Want it all in black and white on this very page.
Not to think, contemplate, decide, and do,
But rather, to merely follow through
By Plan A, let the flower bloom.
That’s what they want — Security of the tomb.
—Ronnie Forgey

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                    <text>Speaker 1; were doing this just .
Speaker 2[rebecca]; okay. okay.
Speaker 1; okay
Speaker 1;Good… hm so this is for .. hm lets see its february.. Hmm ahh… hmm 8th 2023.
Speaker 2 [rebecca]; right.
Speaker 1; and were speaking with… oh right its thursday. February 9th 2023 and we are
speaking with Rebecca Hein about her families business langes book shop. In casper in the 60s
70s and 80s i think right and how it goot to be there and what her role in it was. .. am i right ..
what happened… is that fair .
Speaker 2[rebecca]; yeah
Speaker 1; and ermm a is this .. are we doing this for the casper college western history center.
Speaker 2[rebecca]; yeah we discussed that and also putting it up on wyo history.org that would
be your call i guess
Speaker 1; yeah right ermmm… okay so becky so how did your family come to be in the book
business.
Speaker 2 [rebecca]; erm well hm my farther was well my parent were interlectuals and ermm
my farther worked as an office manager till i was 5 years old hughes tool company first in
billings well probably first in casper before i was born then in billings then in farmington new
mexico.and he always said he hated it.what he really wanted to do was run his own
independent book shop. Ahh i think that if he could of lived his dream he would of been a
shakespearean actor. By the way he behaved
what he did was look for the right side of the city or region he or my mother wanted to live in i
think he looked at casper and billings and rapid city and made an assessment based on what
sort of book sellers were already in those places im not sure why he choose casper over those
over places but we moved to casper when i was going into first grade .in the fall of 1962.
Speaker 1 okay
Speaker 2[rebecca]; yeah i dont think he opened his doors until about 6 month later cause
obviously there was alot of preparations .and one of the ones was i distinctly remember this one
he took the whole family drafted us all into drawing lines on 3x5 cards he made us a little
templet out of 3x5 card which he cut little lines round the template. And that was for his
inventory system which he had undoubtedly learned during his time as office manager . so kept
our inventory obviously this was way way before computers and stuff on theese 3x5 cards .in a

�little file doors cabinet , especially the right size 3x5 cards for every book in the shop that we
stocked we had one of these 3x5 cards they were all placed in alphabetical order with quantity
of that book. Errm the number of copies we had of that book title so at the end of each day after
we had closed for the day . somebody either my farther or mother or their manager or whoever
their employes would ermm… update all the inventory cards based on the sales tickets that we
had wrote out for books being sold.so it worked very well i dont think we had very many
inaccuracies if we did they were occasional . My earliest memories were sitting there and
drawing lne on these cards. I was young so i dont have any very many clear memories of the
book shop from when i was was in grade school. Well thats not quite true i remember sitting in
the children section we had emmm we had the store front in the … building 163 south walcott
on im not sure whats there now but erm there were
Speaker 1 ; erm excuse me its part of the whats now the front one of the 2 store fronts whats
now called the walcott galleria in the odd fellows building on the west side of walcott town
casper between first and second street down town casper
Speaker 2; right so okay ermm i do remember my farther had the shop partitioned off into two
parts and the book selves into various sections and the childrens section was in the north west
corner of that shop area building and there was a chair in there that was only for customers that
we had. And i remember sitting in that chair curled up in that char in the afternoon reading
nancy june and hardy bois hard backs we had shelves of them i had read every nancy jue and
hardy bois book at that we had at that point. Ihad probably read othe books but i especially
remember reading those nancy jue and hardy bois i was probably about 9 at the time and from
a very early age so my sisters cathy was 6 years older than i was and barbara Was 16 months
older than i was ermm and we were allowed to bring any book home and read it as long as we
kept it in perfect conditions
Speaker 1; laughter
Speaker 2; and we always did keep them in perfect condition so that rule was always held we
had a private library
Speaker 1; agreed uh yeah
Speaker 2; SO those were my earliest memories then i started to work at the book shop when i
was 14
Speaker 1; agreed ah yeah
Speaker 2; i have all sorts of recollections of course from that time and then in that time i was
trained at that time how to answer the phone take messages to take orders for books if
somebody came into the shop i was trained how to wait on. If we didnt have a book lets say
they asked for this unless they were browsing and such i would excuse my self and go out back
and look it up if we didnt have it then the next thing you would do

�Speaker 1; i miss that part why would you go out back to the bathroom.
Speaker 2; back room sorry
Speaker 1 ;laughs
Speaker 2 ; it was the place where work it was partianed off by some floor to ceiling shelves it
was a ver small space there was 2 desks and some filing cabinets. err soo i would go back
there where we had our inventory records and i would look and see eif we had the book if they
ask for a particular title and if they didnt the next words to come out my mouth were always
supposed to be very happy to special order it for you. If it wasnt the case of a book that was
coming in any way . and that in which case we would say we are expecting a bunch of these
we will hold a copy of these and call you when it comes.but if they wanted the special order the
n we would look it up in books and prrint and books and print was a 3 volume very large set
those books were huge they were like and encylapedia really and there was titles authors and
subjects if we couldnt find the book under titles then we would we would be able to determined
because they were issued annually so if the book wasnt in print and available then it would be
in a current edition of books so if we were able to look it up then if we found it we would go
ahead and call the person and order it and i never had alot to do with ordering procedure but i
know we had these pieces of paper that were basically well i should back up here my parents
never wasted any thing nothing so when we sold a book we would write a sales report
On these huge metal tickets they were .. last time i was at lou tarberts in casper they were stil
using those things they had smaller ones but they would create a copy for the customer and
copy for us and ermm so our copies become obselete as sson as we had posted the sale and
updated the inventory record maybe there were some other things that had to be done with it so
the my parents would cut these inn half and the back side was blank and that was what we
would write down special orders on so we had a a cigar box with a blank pieces of these
basically 3 x by 5 pieces of paper that we would pull out a piece of paper and put on title of the
book the author name of the persoon that wanted it phone number probably the price that
publishers weekly said it would cost and probably weather it was a hard back or paper bound
and the date that we had written out the slip so that went through some process that i was never
really part of where ermmwhere the book would have ordered then it would arrive and there
was a system i aslo dont remember probably because ididnt handle that . where the slip would
be matched with the book and then we be taken out and handed to the person that is manning
the front counter or that person during slack times to get on the phone and call the customer
let them know there book had arrived and then we shelved it until they picked it up back room
area we must of shelved them alphabetically other wise i dont know how else we would of been
able to find them.but ther was always a fair number of
Speaker 1; interrupt we shelved. When i worked there mid 70s ermm i was taught which i
thought was quite clever you alphabetised the book by the name of the customer because
people would forget the name of the book but would never forget their own names.
Speaker 2; oh yeahhh

�Speaker 1; so they would come in and yeah i thought that was really cool
Speaker 2;i didnt recall that detail so our special order business we made less off of a profit on
special orders for the standard books that we got on was called automatic distribution from the
publishers they would send out there best books every fall i think we got a 40 % discount on but
we typically only got a 20% discount for a special order but it was the back bone of our business
people knew they could get any book they wanted from us including out of print books i have
that on my list for a little later how that happened so yeah ermm
Speaker 1;about special orders and profit also by the time i was working there was S C O P
scop single copy order plan which was a form you could ermmm. It was a way to save keep
book keeping on the publishers end.so that she would fill out a form that had an address back
to you on it and all they had to do was once they got it was stick the book in an envelope and
stick your label on it and send it back to you and for that you could maintain a 40% margin.so
that might have come in later after you worked there so it was a nice thing for the book seller
Speaker 2; yeah definitely thats good soo ermm one of the first things i remember being taught
how to answer the phone and wait on people and all that and the procedure on what we had to
do and how to find it if we didnt how to find it on the shelf i have avery clear recollection of it
would seem like in the fall we would get a rather large boxes of hard back books which my
parents explained to me that they had not ordered but publishers set out on automatic
distribution which apparently the books where the publishers were willing to take risks on and
send out too book sellers assuming they would sell better than others these were always new
and those day books came out in hard back books first then a year later in paper back soo tehre
was the hard bound book switch i dont remember from when i was 14 how much they sold for
but probably never less than 20 dollars so there was quite alot of books that passed through my
hands and i kind of got a feel for current authors and where they were and for writing and things
like that and that of course books book which were run away best sellers or book that were
authors ermm were basically fans of . for example your uncle bart he would would always want
the latest jame mitchner book as you know wrote were works of fiction or historical fiction he
would go back to the the very beginning of known history for an area like san antonio or hawaii
I dont remember the other books but he had quite alot of series and ermm people would come
in ask for the latest michener book which hadnet been released yet we would take there name
and we would get 20 or so copies and which were nearly all spoken for and we would get them
out to the front desk and there was a little desk you would probably remember this behind the
counter where we waited on people there was a little desk where we would answer the phone
and could sit down where we piled books that we hadnt ermm called people about so we would.
So we would call people about there michener books then they would come swarming in on the
new hour and by the end of that day there would be no more than one left it was just astonishing
and i noticed that and and course i noticed when there was best sellers ermm they were all
going to be out of order im sure lets see james herriet herriott he was a large animal well no he
wasnt a large animal veterinarian he was a country vet basically in england somewhere and hes
started writing about his customers or clients or what ever animals and human personalities
that he dealt with regularly he ahd a knack for telling these stories probably that he had good

�material all creatures great and small the first one couldnt keep it in te shop we could just not
keep it it was a run away best seller and i read it course part of the job was keeping your self
ffamilar with the merchandise so i did alot of reading i would of any way i mean my parents
raised me and my sisters to be book worms any way all creatures great and small was a
deserved run away best seller and the 3 sequels also were lets see all things bright and
beautiful, all things wise and wonder full , the lord god made em all i think thats a work from
himthey were all equally good which is kind of rare from a series of books my experience is
that if somebody writes a really good book has anoth try aat writing another they never really
quite make the grade those harriot book every single one of them was a success and then there
was the year , it seems like it always happen in the summer im not sure it ddid maybe the wave
of sales continued into the summer when i was working full time when it seemed like every
second or 3rd person asked for book by cooline coullghr coullgh i dont remember how her name
was spelt now but the title of the book thorn bird like thorn on a rose bird i read it it was a very
good novel people just we couldnt keep that book in the shop, so very popular okay then ermm
we had a book titled jonathan livingstone segal which was a saapy book about life you might
say that was another one people i knew before they opened there mouths they would ask for it
because it seemed like just about everybody in the shop that summer asked and it spawned a
spoof for the authour titied jonathan seageaul chicken but that one never really went any where
any way i only have 2 books i remember that were sensation well one was it was a local one
called the sand bar walter jones local history that was very popular i dont know how many
people brought it the author even came in and signed books for that, i just remember that being
tremendously popular and then there was book and then there was an artist a western artistby
the name of conrad sch , schweiring he had abig coffe table sort of book with his paintings in
it then called schiiring and these book sigings were called autographing parties in those days
my parents had an autographing party for conrad schweiring and that book at one of the banks i
could not remember if it was first national or wyoming national but i clearly remember being
there and seeing this set up wit all these conrad schwiering books him sitting at the table signing
autographs and my parents ringing up the sales and so on so that probably was not exactly a
run away best seller. But it was pretty popular so from all that i got the idea that people could
write a run away best seller because people did so i got the idea that i could so i have there
fore then saddled witha life long dream to write a run away best seller . sooo i think i just went
with the atmosphere
Speaker 1 ; so yeah thats interesting and ermm so did you work there after school every day or
during the weeks or saturdays or christmas or all of those
Speaker 2; you know i really dont remember from when i was in junior high but i do remember
from when i was in highschool ermm after school i would walk down town and work until closing
and the i would wiat until close i would sit in the back room reading i dont think i had any
particular jobs while my parents posted the books that had been sold posted them to the
inventory cards and my farther counted up the money to be sure the balance to see what the
difference was to what had been in the cash draw at the beginning. How much we had taken in
and what was in it at the end of the day. That all took maybe 45 minutes andthen we would all
go home and so seems like it was like my senior year of high school maybe it was my junior

�year to i got out a little earlier than the 3;30 or what ever it was and would walk downtown and
would work every day except for if i had ochello lessons or something like that i would would still
go to the book shop but after my lessons and weekends my parents were ever open on ermm
on sundays and saturdays in the summer they started closing at noon so i would work full time
every summer and after school durinbg the year and during christmas vacation and typically
school would be out a number of days before the holiday so of course im sure you remember in
the christmas season erm it was just a mad house soo i worked full time until christmas day
and was very necessary as it was needed . so maybe i should say abit about the christmas
season my parents always hired extra people they did not scimp and we had routine there were
only two ticket writers . only two people could be at the front desk writing tickets but of course
people were buying gifts and we always offer gift wrapping and my parents brought a lareg roll
un designed gift wrapping paper and they had it on a huge roller that had ermm that had a
centerated Edge and then you could measure it out and tear it off neatly so two people would
be writing tickets and asking if the customer wanted it gift wrapped and if the answer was yes if
it was often a hard back you would take it back to the back room the first thing you would do is
get a pair of scissors and snip of the price off of the dust jackets just taking off the corner off the
inside front which is where the price was then my parents taught me how to gift wrap quickly
neatly very well with out any gaps or anything with the minimum amount of paper and scotch
tape and we always had bows or what ever we had to put on we had to do that fast so that the
person was out of tehre we tried to make it so that they didnt wait very long
Speaker 1; i remember from working there that the gift wrap was plain brown paper and the
ribbon was actually a piece of string about and inch wide with with a print design on it and a little
erm cerated edges as it had been cut with … scissors that was the ermm so sombody must of
cut those out of cloth or fabric or maybe your mum or dad could by it that way
Speaker 2; i dont know oh and speaking of christmas on of the things my parents did for years
until postage was to expensive they would send out a christmas letter to a list of there
customers apparently they had saved evrybodys address oh yeah thats it to the people that ha
da charge account tahts how we got the addresses and we had alot of people who ahd charge
accounts they would send out a christmas letter recapping the last year and that continued for
quite a while but thenn that stopped because postage gootn too expensive.
Speaker 1; and then so when did you graduate form NCHS
Speaker 2; 1974
Speaker 1 okay, did you continue to work afte that when you was home from school or anything
I
Speaker 2 i did when i ever i was home, even in the summer some time evenif i was visiting
ermm let me think i always worked at christmas that was alot of customers would bring in paper
plates with cookies on it fudge or whatever you know how it is so that was nice because there
was something to snack on all day and it was just really fun

�SPEAKER1; erm yeah yeahermm and do You remember any thing about the different ways
your mum an dad ran the shop beacause they were such different people
Speaker 2 ; well erm i remember when i was being trained when i was 14 dad took me too the
back her is how you i think pack up a book to send out and we had customers customers in
state but noyt in casper so wwe would send books out to them i dont remember if it was heres
how you pack them or unpack or how you pack a book up he had his way he wanted me to do it
and mother had her way and they were different i just had to remember to which m=way each
parent wanted it and whenever that parent was in the back room do it that way and ill be okay.i
remember mostly that my mum she was as much of a reader as my farther howvere he was the
life and sole of the place he had alot of the knowlegdge,

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                    <text>Li£y
Tyler Cooper
Non-Fiction
"When you bring home a dog, you bring home a tragedy.” This is
something my English professor and I always joked about in class. 1 don’t
remember where the quote is from. John Steinbeck I think? I really don’t
remember, but I know it’s true. There’s always some sort of heartbreak in it. I
mean you bring home this little baby right? You give it a name, you get up every
two hours to take it to the bathroom, clean it up when you forget to take it out,
and watch it grow. Eventually, it develops its own personality and you give it
nicknames. You take it to the park, you love it, you know? It does things to
piss you off too. Like pissing in the house, biting your toes for no reason at all,
eating unattended plates, and getting mud all over your couch while it just sits
there like, “Hey! Yeah I did this! Now you're gonna clean this up?” as you clean
the mess, swearing and grunting. These are all things my dog, Lily, did.

She was a little West Highland Terrier with white fur, little bead eyes,
and stains around the mouth, the stereotypical white person's lap dog, She had
a personality to her, and no, not the “Oh she watches tv with us,” thing that ail
dog owners claim. She was sorta mean, she wouldn't bark or bite you, no, but
she would glare at you, even sigh when you tried to talk to her. The best way I
can describe her was like that one coworker that would say “I'm just way too
good for this place,” then refuse to roll silverware. Lily was also spoiled beyond
belief by my mom. She would get her faux diamond collars, paint her nails, and
despite my protest, whole rotisserie chickens. Meanwhile, my mom wouldn’t
spend a dime on my tuition, but this dog was going abroad for her art history
degree. Was there resentment? Yes. yes I resented a dog that got more love
than me. So with all the sighs, toe biting, and goddamn rotisserie chickens, we
didn't get along.
I remember the night I got the call. It was March 2nd, 2023, and it was
a horrible night. Winter was making its desperate last push against Spring, as
it always does in Wyoming. Hard shinny ice was still embedded into the road
making travel both annoying and dangerous—if you didn't pay attention in
some areas you could end up as a road marker. The wind made the ice more
intimidating. Wind at this time of year seems extra vindictive. It hates anything
that's not moving at the same speed. Like a New Yorker in a rush, it will push
over small school kids, grandmas, and even oilmen breaking all their tailbones.
All while whistling, being loud, and screaming, “get out the way.” The full moon

silently observed and seemed to give a blue hue to the ice and the feeling of a

CdLtlonlite.'iatu.'u.

XXXI

�gothic mystery to the whistling of the wind, making every move a little slower
and sadder, it's nights like this that make you realize we are one shut down
highway from being the frontier again. I was at the gym, trying my hardest to
lose weight and forget the hetlscape outside, while also trying to put off editing
my English midterm. I'd get it done, it might be close to the deadline but I’d get
it done.
I was only in there for about twenty minutes before I got the call from
my dad. 1 was expecting an update, my mom had taken Lily to the late night
vet about an hour before. She had fed Lily a potato, she was choking on it. This
was the third time this had happened. I always told my mom she could avoid
this by one, not feeding the dog potatoes, and two, actually cutting the food
into swallowable pieces. I expected my dad to call and tell me that they made
it home and that the vet gave her the same two guidelines 1 gave her, with a

similar tone of annoyance.
"Hey dad. let me guess, don't feed the dog potatoes?" Who would
have thought?
“No, Ty, No.” He was worried, almost crying. My dad loved that dog the
same way my mom did but he wouldn't react like this unless it was bad. “Your
mom, uh, oh my God, Ty. Your mom is up at the vet with Lily, and I guess it's—"
He started crying the way all strong men cry, trying his best to hold it together

before his stoicism left, "I uh, I guess it's really bad.”
"Wait, wait hold on, what’s wrong with her?" I asked slowly, trying
to soothe him. He let out a deep breath regaining his composure enough to

speak.

"They can't get the potato out. They don't have the um, the scope arm
thingy." Here was my statue of a dad, a guy who no matter what stood stoically
and logically in front of any problem, now blubbering and struggling to breath.
"Dad, do you need me horn—”

“She needs someone up there with her, Ty. 1,1 can’t Ty. I guess Lily
has tubes in her and—” His efforts to keep some resemblance of strength
collapsed. "I can't see her like that, Ty! I'm not strong enough, I just can’t."
He said this last part in a guttural sob. I tried my best to comfort him. I got the
address, it was only two minutes away from the gym. I was pissed off, at my
mom for feeding the dog a goddamn potato, my dad for not “manning up" like
he always told me too, and at the fucking dog for taking up more attention in

both their worlds. But I loved my mom so 1 went to console her.
I pulled up to the overnight vet. It was a small place in a strip mall
meant for emergencies, not general care. I got out of the car feeling the harsh
XXXII

Exfiession Magazine.

�Li£^

push of the wind telling me to get a move on, while trying to negotiate with the
ice under my feet to give me some traction. I opened the door to the vet, and
I was immediately greeted with the dominant smell of rubber and antiseptic.
The place had a minimalist design, white walls with one solitary decoration
of a picture with a family laughing at a park with their dog—it was the perfect
corporate atmosphere. However, the human screams of grief overpowered the
soulless building. My mother was sitting with her head in her hands. Hair messy
and tangled with reading glasses somewhere in the jumble, skin flush red with
pain and anguish, and wearing plaid pajamas with New Balance sneakers. I
could feel the d in the air touch my skin. I approached my mom and she lunged
at me for an embrace. When her mom died it was a simple inconvenience, a
sad thing she had to move on from, but the dog was a tragedy.
“Day, day wan’ to,” she sputtered out and let out another cry that
sounded more like a scream. Between the quick breaths and tears she finally
spoke.

“I fed her a potato and it was too big. I thought she would swallow it,
but it's stuck in her throat.” She barely pushed out.
“Then why don't they get it out? Can’t they just reach in and grab it?" I
asked, frustrated.
Before she could give an answer the door to the operating room
opened. There standing in the doorway was a man six feet four inches tall with
a heavily muscled build barely contained in gray scrubs. Resting on his face
was a peppered beard and a look of exhaustion and annoyance. This “vet”
looked like the next ladder champ for the WWE. His ring name was probably
something like “The Neuter.” In his deep voice he introduced himself and invited
me into the operating room to update me on the situation.

"The problem is, we can't get the potato. It's too far down, I’m sorry,
what's it's name again?” He asked me.
“Lily.” I told him.

"Right, right. Well, the problem is this. It's too far down into her throat
so we can't get it by hand or do the ol’ patting on the back trick for babies.
Now if we had an endocrine scope we could. It’s basically this little camera with
a hook on it, but the thing is,” he was trying to explain the complicated process
to me, but my attention drifted to the scene behind him. On her back with legs
sprawled out was Lily. Her stomach poked out in bloat, on a regular sized dog
it would look normal, but for Lily’s size it seemed like she would pop open.
Common for dogs choking to death I hear. They somehow got a breathing
tube down her throat, which was powered by a system of pumps and screens

64tk EditLonLLU'tatn'te

XXXIII

�U£y

that all clicked and beeped a tone of reality. I didn't feel anyoned anymore, I felt
what best could be described as sudden sobriety. My mom’s dog was dying in

the most horrific way possible.
"Even if we did have one I don't think we could get it.”

“I'm sorry what?” 1 asked him.
"I said, even if we did have a scope to get it out I don’t think it would
matter.”

“What, why? Is it just too undercooked or what? What is it?”
“Look, I think you know how much your mom loves this dog. She loves
her so much that this is the third time we’ve had to do this. The reason we
can't just get it out is because of how many times we, 1, have had to do this.
Every time that dog chokes on something it creates some scar tissue, every
time she recovers that hole gets smaller and smaller. This might be the time

where it doesn't come out.”
“I get what you're saying. I’ll scold her more later, but she loves this
dog. There aren’t any other scopes in town we could take her to?” He put his
hand up to his beard to think for a moment. I always hated that dog, but 1 loved
my mom way more, and 1 couldn’t see her like this.

“There's one in Wheatland, 1 can call ahead and have them ready for
you. You're gonna have to drive smoothly so she doesn't wake up. That's
going to be hard considering the wind, but it’s possible. If she wakes up she will

choke to death.”
"Ok, let's do that. I'll speed down there, be the hero, and i’ll scold her

for your sake and mine.” His face soured when I said this.
“Don't risk your life over a dog, be careful of the wind and ice. Also,
prepare yourself for the possibility that this dog dies on the way there. You’re
going to have to tell your mom, and comfort her.” I took a beat to think about
this. This dog was still getting better treatment than me and my mom was
going to keep spoiling her to death, literally. I thought in the moment that I was
trying to prove myself. Trying to prove to my mom that I loved her, that she
should love me more, and that this dog was too spoiled. The truth was I just

wanted to get back at the two of them for the emotional neglect inflicted.

I told my mom the plan, and we got ready. We took my mom’s car, a
2020 mercedes that she got on my 16th birthday. This dog's ambulance was a
goddamn mercedes. My mom sat in the back to watch over Lily, and we were
off. Driving 20 miles over the speed limit we were on track to make good time.
Somehow, on the highway there seemed to be no ice, and the wind suddenly

XXXIV

Exp'usslon. Magazine

�stopped, all that remained was the glow of the moon. Even God was going
to spoil this dog. We drove in complete silence as to not wake the dog which
gave me time to think.

My whole life I was always second place in my mom’s eyes. My older
sister, my aunt, my dad, and Lily. She loved me, sure, but it was always a
second class kind of love. She was absent at my plays and concerts, missed
dentist appointments, and even Christmas. The more and more I thought about
it, it became clear I was doing this out of spite.

When we got to the new vet, an hour early, we rushed Lily in and they
got to work. Despite staying at that vet until 3 in the morning, they couldn't

get it out. Still determined, I asked if there was anywhere else that could. They
gave us a referral to a place in Denver. We held her overnight, I emailed all
my professors that I would be missing class, and we found a Super 8.1 had
chocolate milk for dinner.
We drove all the way to Denver with a much healthier dog but one
that still needed help. We found a vet that could do an operation. It would be
$8,000, something my mom couldn't afford. Defeated, we got a hotel and
weighed our options. My mom said that she wasn't killing her baby and she
didn't. The morning after, we got a call from my aunt who was frantically looking
for a scope to get this fuckin’ potato out, she had found one. It was at a vet a
block away from our house, so we rushed back.
Lily looked at me differently on the way back to Casper. It wasn't an
annoyed look, it was one of love and thanks, gratitude. At least that’s what
I like to think. When we dropped her off to the new place my mom seemed
genuinely thankful. She said she loved me, and she meant it. She called me her
hero.

I woke up the next day, after getting much needed sleep and went to
school. I did feel like a hero for this, I’m sorry. I bragged to everyone how good
of a son I was. I saved the family pet. I got a call at lunch from my sister.
It wasn't a potato, but an infection in her throat. She was slowly being
poisoned to death. No scope could get that out. That dog died in my arms
because my mom couldn't hold her when she had to be put down. She felt
heavy.

A year later I still see Lily's paw prints in the backyard, I find hidden toys
and old diamond collars. I miss her. I realize now that all the late nights taking
her out, cleaning up after her, getting her collars and treats, was how I loved
her. All the high pitched barks and toe bites were her way of saying she loved
me.

6^tii CdUhinLUi'iatM.'ii

XXXV

�litif

brought home a tragedy, a six year long, slow burning, tragedy that
I didn't appreciate enough. My mom still acts the same. I'm still second. We
did find some improvement in our relationship from the whole experience. She
does appreciate what I did, but you can’t break habits like her’s. Two weeks
after Lily passed my mom sent me a text:
It was a picture of a dog that looked like Lily, same breed, appearance,
and build, but a puppy. She told me she was picking up Sophie, her new
tragedy, in a month.

XXXVI

Exf'tessian Magazine

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                    <text>16
Tyler Cooper
Fiction
I loved the lake.

I practically grew up at the lake. I mean, I was one of those
chubby, tan kids in the neighborhood that was always in some
sort of swim trunks. Constantly gone in the summer because I
was lucky enough to have a camper on the water, new jet skis, and
old parents that could pretend to love each other out there. It’s
a kid’s dream. Every weekend I was there swimming and joking
with cousins and friends. It was a safe place; it told me summer
was here. It’s where my dad wasn’t angry, and my mom wasn’t
scared of him. Abetter home. At the lake, I caught my first fish,
had my first burger, my first sip of beer, and my first “talk” with my
dad. It seemed better. I was an anxious kid. Too stressed to play
soldiers without nitpicking every detail of my friends and how they
marched. Too scared to ride my bike without a helmet because I
knew if I got caught, there would be dire consequences. But at the
lake, there were no consequences; it was just fun and independence.
True living, free living. Something I and every kid want. Being their
own pirate captain with no rules. The lake was where that was
possible.
We would go every 4th ofJuly to jet ski, fish, get drunk,
and eat hotdogs. You know, like true Americans trying to forget
all of the problems with their country It was the summer of 2020,
and we Americans needed a break, real bad. The world was falling
apart, and all I wanted to do was go to the one place where it felt
normal. So we loaded up and went out. Everyone, my family, my
extended family, not to mention all of Casper and all of Wyoming,
at the lake, my safe space. I had just turned 16, too, so I could ride
and fish all by myself. The odd birthmarkrshaped lake, with its dark
green sparkling waters, and virgin dusty shores for exploring and
91

�i6

fishing, were all mine. I remember that 4th ofJuly; it’s still ripe
in my mind. Walking down the dock with a pole in hand, neon
power bait, and garlic corn musk in the other. Sending out the cast
with grace, feeling the world fall away, as I waited, feeling for any
sudden jolt. Then, ripping them out of the water as soon as they bit
down. Feeling reality rush back as I tried to hold the slimy trout.
Watching it flip in shock as they hit the dock over and over again.
Beating itself into a bloody pulp. It raised my ego and my macho.
Big and looming over this small thing that I had bested. Looking
into its dark black eyes, saying, “/ controlyour life” A young Ernest
Hemingway with my own marlin. It was my lake and my fish. And
the jet ski only made this feeling bigger.
Going 80 on open water, getting pushed back from the
speed. Feeling the wind blow through my hair and drying off
the droplets of water from my face. Ripping past drunk college
students on pontoons. Winning race after race and tasting the cold
water with each finish line. I was Tom Cruise, and the jetski was my
fighter jet. Blasting Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” through
the jet skis, speakers. Not knowing what the song truly meant. But
it’s the lake; you’re not supposed to think. Hour after hour, I would
taunt my cousins to race me.
“Watch out behind pig fucker!” I would scream from behind
to add insult to injury “Oh suck my dick!” My cousins would
scream back. They wouldn’t dare trying to catch up to me. I was
going too fast and too dangerous for them. But I wouldn’t get hurt;
it’s the lake — no one ever does or did.
As we floated on the shallows, a man slipped off the dock
and into the water. It was embarrassing. I knew what it was like.
I flipped off my jet ski two times earlier that day. And that year, it
was particularly cold; I mean practically glacier water. 'You know, so
cold it takes your breath away? But as long as you kept breathing,
you were ok; that’s what we were taught. Cold and covered in
Shame, but you always got back up. Casper natives always did
out in the cold water. Your dad would throw you in at 6 years
old, telling you to breathe. Telling you not to be a nancy boy or a
“pussy” It was a right of passage.
But he wasn’t from Casper. He re-emerged to the surface,
frantically trying to keep up from the dark water. I floated there
watching, feeling anxiety of the neighborhood return up my spine.
92

�iii

His family started to scream. I sat and watched on my jet ski,
breathless, scared. Why isn’t anyone doing anything? His family
dived to get him hoping to save him; I sat and watched on my jet
ski on my lake. Feeling a knife enter my heart as they screamed;
when he went into a seizure from shock of the water, I sat and
watched from my jet ski on my lake. Spectators were gathered all
peering into their future caution story that they would tell their
kids. His family called the ambulance as he hit his head again,
again, and again on the dock, more and more blood rushing into
the dark green water with each bash. And I sat there on my jet ski
on the lake. He flipped and flopped like a fish that had been ripped
from the water.
I felt like a boy on my jet ski; how could this happen here? I
saw his eyes turn white like a fish that has been bested. I watched
him die, blood caked in his hair, life pouring out of his head and
into the lake. Hearing his mom scream to everyone watching.
“Why didn’t you do anything!?” From a jet ski, on the lake.
I watched as the paramedics pronounced him dead, on a jet ski, on
some body of water. Feeling as cold as the water, he fell in.
I don’t like the lake anymore...

93

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